Do You Take ME Time?

Take time by putting yourself first for a change. This seems to be an ongoing issue with women, which is why I will continue to bring it up.

Many women are trained or programmed to be the “strong one” in their family: maybe you are the oldest, the breadwinner, or the college graduate. Maybe you’re the problem-solver, the peace-maker, or the caretaker.

When we take on these roles, we forget who we are, our dreams and goals, and when we get into relationships with men and begin living for them, we end up putting our lives on the back burner and putting ourselves last.

In Oprah’s Master Class, Iyanla Vanzant speaks about how important it is for you, as a woman, to continue to take care of yourself and put yourself first in YOUR LIFE. Ladies, this includes intimate as well as family relationships.

Life is about lessons, if you learn from them life becomes much simpler. 

This idea is the opposite of the way many of us have been raised and what we observed growing up. Most of us are running on empty; the cups that should be overflowing with energy and self-love have run low, and after we give of ourselves to others first, our cup has run dry. Iyanla says:

“What runs over my cup is for you; what’s in the cup is for ME.” Adopting this self-love/self-care attitude takes time as most of us will also have to deal with the accompanying emotion that rears its ugly head when we are resolved to put ourselves first: Guilt.

Putting yourself first also applies to your relationship with a man. Many women tend to forget who they are and what they want when they get into a relationship with a man. It becomes all about the Man and less about you, and this is a mistake.

We begin misdirecting our energy onto things like wondering when he’s going to call if he’s seeing other women if he’s taking us out and the questions can be infinite. And the time and energy we uselessly spend on living for them is time and energy we could be spending on ourselves. This creates a lot of unnecessary stress. 

Tips for Putting Yourself First:

1. Recognize this first: a man will most likely not waste the amount of energy on us that we do on them.

• In other words: a man does not stop living his life and pursuing his dreams and goals because he’s in a relationship.
• Bet he doesn’t sit by the phone waiting for you to call.
• And we need to do the same. Do not diminish your Self-esteem or your Self-worth for anyone, especially for a Man.

2. Reconnect to your Divinity and your Inner Power.

• When we put men (and others) first and ourselves last, we put our Divinity and we Disempower ourselves.
• Find the time to spend at least 1 hour every week in quiet contemplation or meditation to reconnect and center.
• Ask yourself if the time and energy you’re spending putting this man first is working out for you or if it’s even appreciated.
• This also includes family and friends.
• If you’re giving more to them than they are giving to you, you have unbalanced relationships, which will eventually breed anger and resentment.

3. Continue with the things you did in your life before the Man.

• Yes, having someone in your life means making some adjustments, however, that doesn’t mean you stop LIVING your life.
• Continue with your pedicures, manicures, girls’ nights out, family get-togethers, and dreams and goals.
• Most likely he’s doing the same and is not likely to adjust his lifestyle very much to accommodate YOU.

4. Learn to say “NO”.

• This is something we speak about in LOVE, FORGIVENESS, CAREER, and HAPPINESS WORKBOOK.
• This pertains to the man, family, and friends. When you are exhausted, tired, disillusioned, sad, feeling deflated, and just plain WEARY, you need quality time to yourself, to recover, and to refill your cup.
• This means you WILL have to say “NO” to gatherings, nights out, dinners, and him wanting to visit.
• This means that you put yourself first regardless of how other people feel and regardless of the comments made.
• This means you schedule and takes the time needed to refill your cup so that you can BE at your BEST.
• These are boundaries you put in place to take care of yourself, to ensure that you have the energy and POWER to LIVE YOUR LIFE.

I want YOU to know that Putting Yourself First is a long-term investment; you are investing in yourself.

This LIFETIME investment is not a one-shot deal and should you take it upon yourself to embark on this journey, you will most likely meet some resistance.

STAND YOUR GROUND! You are making positive changes for your health and well-being and there’s nothing more important than that. And a real man has more respect for the woman who takes good care of herself than the one that who looks like she’s been run ragged.