Why Are Relationships So Hard?

Why Are Relationships So Hard?

There are several reasons relationships are hard such as different expectations, communication issues, control issues, trust issues, personality clashes, money problems, life changes, etc.  Also, choosing the wrong person for you.

Unfortunately, not listening to your instincts, rationalizing situations, and making excuses for behaviors will contribute to difficulties in the relationship. 

Different Expectations:

It can be difficult to express what you want in a relationship, there are fears about how the other person will react. What will happen if that person doesn’t want the same things? If you suppress your wants and needs to be with someone, they won’t stay hidden forever. When you or your partner become tired of settling, that is when the conflicts begin. 

 Communication Issues:

Why are relationships so hard? Communication is a big issue, maybe during childhood, you were not allowed to express your feelings. Instead, you had to deal with your thoughts and feelings alone. You may lack the self-confidence to speak up for yourself or communicate effectively with your partner. Also, low self-esteem affects your ability to communicate effectively, you are afraid to say the wrong thing because you might lose your partner. 

Examples of Ineffective Communication:

  1. Hiding how you feel and acting like everything is okay.
  2. Engaging in a casual relationship but you want a committed one but not telling the person.
  3. Allowing a person to treat you poorly by not speaking up for yourself.

How to resolve communication issues:

  1. Figure out why you have problems communicating your thoughts and feelings.
    • What communication style did your parents have during your childhood.
    • What happened when you tried to communicate with others in the past
    • Do your friends listen when you share things with them. Or is everything about them?
  2. Work on your self-esteem
    • You may think your relationship issues are your partner’s fault, but I guarantee that you both play a role. 
    • Do you feel you deserve a healthy and happy relationship?
    • Are you insecure and or selfish?
    • Do you argue, say mean things, and blame your partner for everything?
  3. Write your thoughts and feeling inside a journal so you can become more self-aware.
    • You may be unaware of your behaviors because you’ve been doing them for years.
    • Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences will show you a pattern.
    • Also, triggers that may cause you to act a certain way. 
    • This is also a good self-care routine because it helps you build the most important relationship you will ever have, the one with yourself.

Control Issues:

Being too controlling is a big reason why relationships are so hard. It is a sign of insecurity and low self-esteem. In some cases, the person being controlled will let you until one day he or she has had enough. On the other hand, your partner refuses to let you control him or her and fights you every step of the way. Either way, this is not a healthy relationship. 

Trust Issues:

This happens for a variety of reasons, for instance, unresolved trauma and or previous heartbreak. Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, if it has cracks then conflict will arise. Also, past insecurities and self-esteem can make it hard for you to trust your partner. If this is the case, it may be time to work on yourself.

Your parents may have influenced your ability to trust a romantic partner so your guard is up before you enter into a relationship.

Love and Finance:

There are financial habits that can lead to a breakup if you ignore them. It is easy to ignore things you are not comfortable with but that does not make them go away. 

Here are five examples:

  1. Keeping money secrets
    • Hiding financial information or debt from your partner can erode trust and cause tension.
    • Remember you are in this together so what the two of you do affects the entire family.
  2. Spending too much money
    • Over-spending, especially without discussing it with your partner, can lead to financial stress.
    • Ask yourself if the debt or the dwindling savings account is worth it.
  3. Not having a budget
    • Not having a clear understanding of your income and expenses can cause disagreements and overspending.
    • If you don’t know how much you have, need, or spend then who is controlling your finances?
  4. Failing to communicate
    • Not discussing financial matters and making decisions without considering your partner’s feelings can lead to fights.
    • Ask yourself why are you hiding it from your partner and where did this behavior originate.
  5. Ignoring debts
    • Neglecting to pay bills or other outstanding debts can cause financial stress and lead to arguments.
    • Sticking your head in the sand will not make the debts disappear.

Life Changes:

Most changes in life come from a lack of self-awareness, choices, or unexpected situations. Some changes you have no control over but others are mistakes. Regardless of why the changes are happening, it’s a part of everyone’s journey, and lessons learned should improve your life in the future. However, life changes can test the strength of your relationship. 

Reasons why life changes create issues in a relationship:

  1. Your partner may not like change
  2. Only one of you made a decision on how to deal with the change
  3. You listen to others instead of your partner
  4. One or both of you will not compromise on how to handle the change
  5. You both decide to ignore how the change is affecting your lives and or relationship

Love, Forgiveness, Happiness, Career - 12 Steps Guide

The PDF is free. It’s time to build a relationship with yourself first.

Maybe The Answer Lies In A Place You Haven’t Visited Yet

Why are relationships so hard? You have to revisit the relationship with their father to find some answers. If you don’t know him that will definitely affect your relationships with men.

Father Issues:

  1. Abandonment issues
  2. Abusive father
  3. A father who cheated on your mother
  4. A controlling father

If you choose a male partner ask yourself the following:

  • Why this man, does he remind you of your father?
  • Where did your “type” come from? We all have a type of person we are attracted but, why.
  • Do you have a wish list? Is it reasonable or do you have a fantasy in your head?
  • Are you open to reevaluating your “type?”

Men can tell when you have low self-esteem and some men prey on women so they can use it against you to get what they want.

What role does your mother play in your choices?

  1. She may have said negative things about men.
  2. She may have said you don’t need a man
  3. She may have fought a lot with your father and that scared you
  4. She may have cheated on your father
  5. She may have let your father abuse her
  6. She may have abused your father

In Conclusion:

There are several factors as to why relationships are so hard but one thing is for sure they require work to improve to overcome. But, if you don’t have self-love, it may cause your to make poor choices which will make your relationships hard.